“Whatever it is I have changed. I am drawn, now. I am cynical, and bitter. I mock and I am scornful. I do not trust people. ” That’s me! I changed, I wasnt like this. I was a happy person, a sensitive person and I trusted almost everyone.

“She looked like a woman who has been beaten down, slowly but steadily through the years. A woman who has no hope, no laughter, no peace at all left inside her. And I stopped in my tracks, and I saw myself in 30 years. ” This is one of my biggest fears actually! I’ve always feared this, being that woman. I kind of have a painful certainty that I’m slowly turning into her and that I may even be her in less than 20 years.

Great post!

Thanks, Amity!

I was walking through a mall one day…everyone was staring …I thought it was because I looked especially good that day until a lady pulled me aside and told me my fly was open…talk about deflated lol.

Going with your daughter is an excellent option — motivation + family quality time is nice — getting a personal trainer for a limited period of time, learning about exercise, and getting them to make a plan that you can put into action without the trainer might also be helpful, but that is expensive.

I mean this with all due respect, but if you are not willing/too busy to put the time, money, etc. into go to a WW meeting every week for like an hour, your plan might not be sustainable. I am saying this because I totally had the same plan as you in the past. I lost 10 lbs. Three months later I gained it all back, and then some. I was in school, working 3 jobs, and just didn’t have the time to make my health a priority.

The thing about WW, or similar programs, is that it teaches you how to eat healthily with real food. Same thing goes for personal trainers — they teach you how to work out optimally. (Also, you might not even need WW if you get a personal trainer because they can give you a healthy eating plan if you find the right one.)

My suggestion is to make your health and weight loss goals a priority, that involves eating well and being active. This doesn’t have to involve Weight Watchers, but that is one effective means by which you can strive to achieve your goal to lose 80lbs — you can even do online WW if you hate the meetings, like I do.

My experience is that you need to really commit to eating well and being active if you want to lose weight — one without the other isn’t enough. I’ve lost 30 lbs and am trying to drop 15 more. I quit weight watchers a few months in because I learned everything I needed to from them. But it was a very helpful first step to dropping the weight, for me.

Best of luck,

p.

Great post, btw, I love your honesty and willingness to dissect your flaws and struggles.

But, there really isn’t much of a choice at the moment.

Hopefully things will start looking up soon, we’ve got a few projects on the go,and perhaps something will pop up, just when it’s needed the most.

We’ll see.