Home Sick

I feel like my one year anniversary, of living in the UK, has sparked a feeling of losing my identity. I don’t really feel American anymore. And I certainly don’t feel British. A big part of it has to do with, I think, not being able to decipher accents anymore. Everyone sounds the same, I cant tell the accents apart anymore, I don’t even realize I’m speaking to an American unless they tell me! This is hard because I feel like- these are people I should talk to, and identify and feel some sort of kinship with- and I can’t even tell them apart!

The vocabulary difference is getting to me, as well. It didn’t matter when I thought of everything in American terms, because I could just laugh at the “silly” things the Brits say. But, now things are becomning second nature to me and I am desperatley trying to cling to the seeming life raft that is the word “pants” and ” zip code” and “zee”. I don’t want to lose how I speak. It’s apart of me. It’s 23 years of my life!

I feel like I’m losing my grip on everything I’ve ever known and I’m just completley fading away. Who will I become? Who will I be? When I’m not ME anymore….?

I’m scared and I’m tired and I really just want to go home.

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