trying to hold it together

…doing a wonderful job @ failing miserably.

In the post today:

£170 court fine (me getting caught making a quick call on my cell to David while driving…in January)

£667.18 bill from a company I’ve never even heard of- collections? probably.

and those are just the ones I opened

Picked up the phone to call the unknown company and got redirected to BT. Service is shut off. Non-Payment. “No!” I thought. “Surely not, we only pay £20 a month and it’s a direct debit!!!” Yes. Well. Apparently not anymore. Another one my new bank helpfully missed out while switching everything for us. Obviously yet another that I’ve missed as well. Though the lack of warning from the phone company doesn’t help either.

Did pay the £180 overdue council tax yesterday, which combined with gas and food, etc. (Gas. Food. We spend almost the equivalent of our monthly rent on those two things.) knocked us from almost £600 to just over £200.

And the best one yet? The £8 we spent on lunch at BK last week, when we had just deposited £100 in the account and things were looking rosy? That came out of the account today. And I wanted to scream. Jesus. We’re going to be homeless in just slightly over two months. (It was three months, not so long ago, and suddenly I realized that it had turned into two months without me even realizing time was slipping by so fast.) We’re going to be homeless, they’re going to come and take my children away and we had whoppers for lunch. I realize that I thought things were going to be ok, then. Crisis averted. But, even knowing that- I can’t forgive it. £8. EIGHT! That seems like such a lot of money.

I couldn’t help it. I put my head in my arms and laid on the desk and sobbed.

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