a sad day.

I hate this day.

I’m not from New York, I didn’t know anyone killed on September 11th. But, nonetheless, I hate this day.  I cry during 9/11 documentaries, and usually end up switching them off.  And that Adam Sandler/Don Cheadle movie? I got very angry at that. And then I got very sad and I had to turn it off.

Sometimes I get annoyed with myself for my reaction. I didn’t get this upset when a kid I barely knew from school, had hung out with maybe twice outside school, committed suicide.  I went to his memorial service, and I cried the obligatory tears, but that was about it.  I don’t remember the date it happened, I’m not even sure about the year. I barely even get choked up when I hear Ozzies “Momma, I’m coming home”, anymore, and that’s what they played at the service. So, given all that- why do I get so upset about something that happened to people I didn’t know 3000 miles away seven years ago?

I guess because I’m American. I get upset when catastrophes occur in other countries. I cry and I get angry. But, then I have to move on with my life.  But when it happens to your own, it hits you so much harder, so much deeper, and you carry it with you.  People die.  Kids commit suicide.  In this day and age, it happens every day. And as sad as it is, as tragic as it is, it is a part of life.  We expect that people will grow old and die, people will get sick and die, people will be unhappy and scared and will take their own lives.  We don’t expect terrorist attacks and murderers. And we certainly didn’t expect it in America. Which I guess is why it hit us like a brick wall when it happened, and why the imprint of it will never truly fade.

So I hate this day. This yearly reminder of all the hate and the venom and the craziness that exists in the world. This reminder that nothing has changed, yet.  There are still terrorists. They are still angry, and they still want to kill us. And even seven years on, we seem to have taken no real steps to rectify that, and so we are no safer. And this could happen again.

For those who are closer to it than I, whether geographically or emotionally, I wish you strength and peace.

I will never forget.

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