may I tell you a secret?

Day 30

Thanks.

This. This was supposed to be easy. Oh, sure- I was going to be hungry. I was going to be jealous of the people eating cakes in the staff room, my family having lovely meals for dinner.  But that was ok! I was going to be losing weight! Five pounds a week! And that would make it ok. That would make up for it.

Heres the secret: I fell (jumped? leaped? flung myself ?) off the wagon over the weekend. Ate like normal. I didn’t binge, I just didn’t eat like I was on a restrictive bloody diet. I got back on the wagon yesterday, more or less. But I ate more than 500 calories, and then because I was in a rotten mood, I made brownies, and ate some.  So, more than 500, less than 1200 I’d say but who knows. I know- brilliant, right?

Why did I fall off the wagon? Because I’m not losing weight. I’ve lost those twelve pounds and that’s it. The scale won’t budge. I’m exercising 5 days a week (30 minutes on the treadmill + my normal walking and arm exercises with weights) plus I’m eating very little. (or was) I should be losing weight. I’m frustrated to the point of tears and tantrums. Why can’t anything just be easy and work the way I want it to?

I’m sure there are lot’s of people who will say “your body has gone into starvation mode! You’ll never lose weight! You’ll drop dead of a heart attack!”. But that’s not true, so don’t even start. When I confided to a work mate who has also done the 500 cal diet and lost alot of weight on it that I had stopped losing, she said that when she had done it, she knew a few women who were also doing it who had stopped losing for a while, but then suddenly lost a ton all at once. Which gave me some hope.

But not a lot. So, I’m in a funny place. And I see my choices as

A. get back into it and be very strict about it.

B. Ditch the 500 cal thing and just stick with the vigoruous exercise

C. Increase my calories to 8-1200 and continue with the exercise.

On top of all this, I’m trying to get through my difficult course work (only difficult because it is so new to me) and get started on my first assessment. Maintaining the house, children, bills and meals, plus working my FT job, and I’m not feeling very well. (winter cold, caught from the horde)

I know it may have been naieve to think it would be easy, and perhaps I was expecting to much to quickly. After all, it took ten years to gain all this weight, did I really think I would be able to shed it in 3 months?

Well, yes- I did. I expected to lose the majority of the weight in three months, and develop an ongoing exercise regime during the three months that would keep me fit and lean afterwards. Now that that doesn’t seem to have worked, I’m stuck. Maybe I’ve just not given it enough time.

So, I’m not sure what I’m going to do.  I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for listening and hey, keep this between us ok? I wouldn’t want the whole world to know I’d screwed up my own grand master plan. (Not that it’s the first time!)

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