Hopeful for spring.

I saw a butterfly today, and some daffodils just starting to bloom. And I felt hopeful. Spring is coming, the warmth and the sun and the new life. It can only bring good things.

Bought the material to make a raised vegetable bed yesterday, can’t wait to construct it and get planting. Carrots, potatoes and onions to begin with, I think. Fairly easy and we eat a lot of each.

Felt unwell today, cold and tired. Did a little painting, and put all the boxes from the kids new beds and other bits of furniture out for recycling and did some shopping, but didn’t get anything major done like I have the last the last 4 days. I think the sleeplessness and manual labour is catching up with me. D is helping with the DIY and he fixed a light and put up a shelf and a light in O’s room. I am glad for his help but we are again entering a funny area, we are separated, he is in a hell of a lot of trouble but he is here all the time, 12 hours a day, eating dinner, going shopping, picking the kids up from school, etc. I am not comfortable with that. But it is ok- the kids get to see him and he has to go back to work Thursday so he will be spending much less time here.

My boss is expecting me to come back to work, does not want to lose me she said. I just don’t see how that will be possible, though.

What my husband has done has cost me my job, possibly the degree I have been working so hard for and just about every good feeling I’ve managed to get back since the last crisis eight months ago. All the logistical issues aside, I don’t think I’m even capable of going back to work. I’m struggling to even get through ordering sandwiches at Subway without crying, currently.


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