March of the Mommy Farts

So, we recently had a stomach bug around our place. None of us was immune, but some had it worse than others. I was mildly affected and it went quickly, except since then…gas. Sometimes it comes on suddenly and I find it making a “pop” noise as it escapes. Sometimes it is silent, yet deadly. Sometimes it is foghorn loud. The first few times it happened, you could see the kids stiffen and they didn’t say a word. They struggled to keep a straight face, practically shaking from the effort not to burst into laughter. To embarrassed or scared I think. What if they said something or giggled and I denied it or got mad? Since it seems to be hanging on I’ve started to be very over the top about it, with the “EXCUUUUUUSE ME!” bit. Or the indignant blaming of the cat or one of the kids. This sends the baby into gales of laughter with the older two following along.

(The baby is my little stooge. I can always use him to lighten the mood, or make things silly. One flash of his cheeky little grin and we are all happy jolly souls. This does not bode well for me, I think. He is fine tuning that smile and his manipulation skills for the teenage years already. Think “oh, pwease oh, pwease!”)

Thankfully they are still at the age where it is hilarious to hear mommy fart, and not the “oh my god a FART. From my MOM. I am going to DIE now” stage. I am of course mortified each time but there isn’t much I can do about it, except run to the bathroom to fart in peace if I can. So, I try and at least make it into something funny, so the kids don’t end up getting uptight about people passing wind. Farts happen. It’s life, right?

I seem to be the only one affected with this side affect. I have tried eating more fruit and drinking water to help it along, but it doesn’t seem to be working. So, I guess I just wait it out. Whether they’ll ever forget about the “March of Mommy Farts” is another story.

Maybe I should start shouting when they laugh, after all. That way they’ll be to scared to ever bring it up again in their lives.

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