I love my morning wake up calls. Even the 5am ones, promise. I love them because they come with a cuddle from Rafe, a kiss and always laughter. If that’s not the best way possible to start a morning, I don’t know what is. But, I must admit that, beauty wise, early morning is not my best time. Bed head and tangled clothes, sleep in my eyes. It’s not pretty. Lately, Rafe is fascinated with my stomach. I won’t lie, it’s pretty big. I did gain 2 stone in 2010, after all, and if you’ve read my blog before chances are you’ll be familiar with my weight loss efforts even before that.
I don’t get upset, of course. He’s only 4 and at that age it’s all about stating facts. At 5am I don’t harbour any illusions about being skinny. And you know, it’s kind of nice to have that sort of fresh certainty. It’s not a judgement, it’s a fact. He doesnt care if I have a big belly or a little one, and it’s such a non issue, it simply wouldn’t occur to him that his comments might be hurtful.
The rest of my family are so lovely and sweet however that they will rush to my aid, assure me I’m not “fat”, I’m beautiful and they love me. Which is nice, but of course, I am fat. Denying that does not teach them the right lessons and it does get a bit tiresome. I am an adult, and as much as other things get me down, and yes even my weight sometimes, it is not what defines me. I’ve had three kids, I’ve got a sweet tooth and when things are bad I comfort eat. I think it’d be more of shock if I wasn’t fat! That doesn’t mean I like strangers commenting on it, or people telling me how I should be eating,etc. But, I assume that I will not be fat my entire life and there are plenty of years left in my life to do something about it, years when I’m not trying to raise three young kids, deal with money issues and resuscitate a dead marriage.
So, I find Rafe’s observations about my belly charming and amusing. “You could have a baby in there, Mommy!” (puts ear to my belly to listen) “Or TWO babies and LOTS of daddies!!!” (Ok, seriously it’s not that big!!) They remind me of my daughter who, when I was pregnant with Rafe, commented “You look like you ate about 1000 taco’s mommy!” (We were having taco’s for dinner) And we just sat around the dinner table and laughed when she said that, because it was so cute and so funny.
I get down about my weight, sure. I’d love to be skinny. But, it’s more important to have perspective, right? And if nothing else, my kids make sure I’ve got perspective by the truck load. Well, that and fat, of course.